If you and your boyfriend live separately, should you leave something behind at his place? For instance, let’s say you spend the night with him on a Sunday. You’ll probably have to get up early Monday morning, rush back to your apartment, and get ready all before work at 8 a.m.
Leaving your things at his place definitely makes life a little less hectic, but is it okay?
Most girls do this anyway, not only for practicality, but also as a way to mark our territory.
(Guys, if you’re reading, don’t flip out. More than likely, she’s not trying to move in.) Men have their own little ways of marking their territory, too, be it putting their arm around you in public or something else.
My boyfriend has a drawer full of stuff that his ex (or exes) left behind. In that drawer are scented lotions, tampons, toothbrushes, razors, etc… and it bothers the hell out of me!
Seeing her stuff in that drawer makes me cringe with jealousy, even though it’s over between them. It’s the idea that another woman marked her territory in my man’s apartment.
Maybe I shouldn’t be mad. Besides, I did use all of the tampons she left behind and I most certainly enjoyed using up the Veet on my legs. Still, I am growing weary of finding little remnants of her at his place. Shouldn’t he throw that stuff out? Or did he want the next woman (who ended up being me) to know that he’d had something special with another girl?
Of course, he’s told me that I can leave stuff over at his apartment.
So far, I’ve only mustered up the courage to leave a swimsuit and a contact case with contact lens solution—all things I can readily replace at my own expense.
He also has marked his territory at my place. When we first started dating, he wanted to leave his Wii at my apartment. I told him no, but he brought it over a few weeks later as a “surprise”. He said he’d leave it for a few weeks, but it’s been here for six months. I wouldn’t have minded had it been a toothbrush or a few pairs of boxers, but a Wii is upwards of hundred bucks and he’ll want to get it back when things are over.
The truth is, I’m uncomfortable with the whole “leaving stuff behind” situation, whether it’s on his part or mine.
It’s always awkward to get your stuff back and/or return his stuff when you end the relationship. It adds a whole other level of complexity to the painful breakup process.
However, if he did not let me leave my things at his house, I’d be pissed. Naturally, I’d want to know why not. Is there another girl coming over? Does he plan to break up with me soon?
For me, I don’t want him leaving his things at my place because I’m always thinking that we might break up at any moment. It’s not that I don’t love him or that we don’t have a great relationship, but I have that “nothing lasts forever” mentality.
I feel like I’m ranting at this point, so I’ll cut it short.
Should you leave something behind? That’s your personal choice, but never leave something important behind, never leave too much, and never leave something behind too soon. And be respectful of the next girl he dates—don’t leave panties or hide love notes.
Don’t leave your entire wardrobe, much less your favorite black pumps. Leave small things like shampoo, razors, tampons—things that you can replace for under $10 at your local Walmart and things that will not offend (too much) the next girl he dates.
You can mark your territory at his place with an “x”, but sweetie, don’t mark his place like a dog and piss everywhere.
Leaving behind something big will alter his personal environment, and he may not be acceptable towards the change. He may not say anything, but inside, it’ll be one of those things that drives him crazy.
You should also give the relationship at least four months before you leave something behind. Don’t start leaving your stuff there after the first night you spend at his place. It’s not acceptable.
If your boyfriend doesn’t let you leave stuff at his place, the best thing is not to leave yourself at his place.
There’s no excuse for not being able to leave small things, like a toothbrush. So if he doesn’t let you leave things at his place, you probably shouldn’t be there to begin with.
Don’t get angry at him or cause any drama. You never know what his real reason could be. (Do his parents frequent often and they don’t approve of girls staying over? Does he share a bathroom with a roommate?)
Instead, make him come over to your place and don’t stay at his. Eventually, he’ll realize that you’re never over at his place anymore and he’ll wonder why.
When he asks, just say that you’d love to stay at his place, but it’s really hard when you don’t have any of your stuff there. Let him know that it’d be nice if you could leave shampoo or a razor. (Note: Don’t start off with leaving tampons—it can freak some guys out.) Most of the time, he’ll be understanding. If he’s not, you should figure out why. Be straight up and ask him, but always remain calm. Don’t get upset or show your emotions.
The same is true if you’re in a new relationship. Let’s say you’ve dated for four months. He’s never said you could leave stuff there, but you want to test the waters a little bit. Will it be okay? How will he react? The easiest thing to do is leave a pink razor in the shower. Then gradually move up to a pink (or purple) toothbrush. Only leave the things you sincerely can’t live without while staying with him—like a toothbrush, a razor, and (maybe) conditioner. Don’t leave your expense face wash just yet.
After you’ve left a few things behind and if he hasn’t complained, rest assure that your relationship is off to a good start.
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